A total non-update

I have this feeling people are going to yell at me for writing this, but what the hell? I keep thinking, and thinking, and I'm pretty sure now that the only way to get this stuff out of my head is to write it down.

Gods know I'm not good for much else lately.

Okay, so part of it is that I got sick (again), and that the weather's been so miserable. I just haven't felt like doing much between feeling like crap and feeling like I'm living in some circle of hell or other.

I haven't written anything worth reading in ages. I get up every morning meaning to get it done, and somehow I end up spending my days in front of the TV instead of the computer, watching endless hours of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Now, I love the Buffy, I really do, but I've looked forward to summer all year as my writing time, you know? And here I am, wasting that time.

This week's theatrical_muse topic is one I suggested. I swiped it from someone else, but that's neither here nor there. The suggestion was mine. And I still can't seem to get myself together enough to write.

I was thinking similar stuff the last time I bothered to post anything in this journal, and I was kind of talked out of doing anything because the Babylon 5 gang would miss my Anna. Well, I would too, guys, but here's the thing. I feel like right now I'm keeping her- and Galen, and Bella, and to an extent even Irina- around just so I can roleplay with them, I'm always skirting the edge of not having written in way too damn long, and to be honest it makes me feel like a bit of an ass.

So, in no real order:
shadow_anna - There's on so much backstory I can invent, and I think I've reached that point. Anna is just not that interesting once you exhaust the depressive angst potential. And now is not a good time for me to write depressive angst. Really it's not.

But if- if -I retire Anna, I'll finish up my ends of the "What Ever Happened To Londo Mollari?" roleplay stuff.

If I can, you know, ever get my act together enough to do even that much.

Yes, yes. I suck.

starlight_mage - Anna's gotten boring, but Galen has just gotten quiet. He has nothing interesting to say, and when I try to get him to talk to me, he gets really angry. Yep. I have a fictional character yelling at me. I don't know why.

irina_derevko - I kind of have this "are you even still here?" thing going with Irina. It's hard to keep up with her when 1.) my confidence in the way I write this character is none too steady to begin with, and 2.) she hasn't been seen in canon in three years now. I have no frame of reference, and I think that's causing me to go even farther out of character with her than I normally might.

darkest_magic - Bella has gone quiet. This should scare me, but then I take a temporary trip back to reality, where I realize that no matter how scary she might be, she isn't real. I mean, she thinks it's very cool to be a Death Eater and basically a sadistic bitch, but I'm just bored.

I dunno, guys. Part of my problem, I'm sure, is that I'm tired, hot, and depressed. But it sucks not being able to write anything, feeling guilty for hanging onto muses that other people might want (since, you know, I'm not using them anyway). I don't know what to do anymore. I still like- love- the idea of t_m, and I want to participate in some way, but... But.

I just don't know.